Hello, I am Kiffany with a K! Not a “T”!
I’m going a little rogue and break the bio rules by telling you my story in first person.
Over fifteen years ago I found myself sitting in the middle of the floor rocking back and forth calling on Jesus begging him to fix my mind. I was physically ill, depressed and riddled with anxiety. My doctor kept saying the same thing, “it’s your thyroid, you’re severely depressed.” I’d been battling Thyroid disease since college so that didn’t bother me, but I refused to accept the label of depression. I felt it somehow it made me weak; like I’d failed at life. Finally, I’d reached my lowest point. I had three choices to free myself; I could jump from the balcony of my apartment and end my life, lock myself down in a psych hospital or put on my boxing gloves and beat the hell out of depression. Well, I decided to fight. My journey toward healing helped me find my purpose. I discovered I was an amazing storyteller.
The truth is Storytelling saved my life. After packing up my wonderful adult life I’d built in Houston and moving to Detroit with my mother. I knew there was something deeper brewing inside me and it was going to either break me or transform me into someone extraordinary. So, I took a two-year hiatus from “normal” life. In the midst of my battle with depression, anxiety and a chronic autoimmune disorder I was forced to confront the open wounds left by past hurt, feelings of failure, insecurity, poor body image, abandonment issues and reoccurring memories of sexual abuse. I was a complete hot mess. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention there had been an entire movie scene between two people I’d never met playing in my head for months. Yep, I thought I was losing it.
While sitting in church one Sunday I heard “write it down”. I reached down grabbed a church bulletin and started writing the story that had been unfolding in my head. That was the beginning of my first novel, “The Green-Eyed Butterfly”. Writing my first book changed my life, it helped change the way I saw myself. I transformed from an insecure and emotionally wounded girl hiding behind an artificial smile into a confident woman who understood failure is not in falling, but the greatest tragedy is believing because I had fallen, I was a failure.
After experiencing the freedom of loving myself and understanding I am more than enough, I decided to teach other women how to learn to love themselves and let go of the things holding them back. In 2016, I crossed over into the world of non-fiction and penned “Change the Way You See Yourself”. “Change the Way You See Yourself” is a mental detox guide that will help you manage depression, let go of the past, embrace forgiveness and learn to love yourself.
So, right about now you’re probably asking, what qualifies me as an expert on change and letting go? Well, if you need credentials, I will tell I have spent the last twenty years working as a mental health professional. I have helped countless women and adolescent girls who’ve fallen victim to abuse, drug addiction, mental health challenges, and the struggles that living without hope brings. But if you want the straight with no chaser version of “my why”, here it goes; I learned to hate everything about myself at an early age. When I was ten years old, I was told I was too skinny to be pretty. When I was twelve years old, I was told I was an unwanted bastard. When I was thirteen, the person who was sexually abusing me spit in my face, looked me in my eyes and told me I was wasn’t worth $h!t. When I was in the ninth grade, my teacher actually had a meeting with my mother and questioned my intellect. When I was in college, one of my professors told me I was enrolled in the wrong school, and I needed to “reevaluate” my choice of school and career. So, throughout my life, I saw myself as an ugly dumb victim who had nothing to offer the world.
As a woman experiencing the joy of seeing myself as fearfully and wonderfully made, I want to help other women change their stories and transform their lives. This blog is my authentic account of life as I see it. I hope you will be encouraged, inspired, entertained and by my stories.